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I EXIST

by Erik Saxton

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1.
Ready? 02:45
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There's this ringing in my head Somethings gonna happen for me When it does it will set me free Till then I'm gonna lay in bed I wanna be ready when it happens There's a rolling by my house The train is jam packed with things Its bringing em to a far away place To make someone happy There's nothing on that train for me Do i deserve What's coming to me Do i deserve What's coming to me Do i deserve what's coming to me At least i tell myself that I'll be ready There's a rattling in my heart Just put the key in and start But when I turn the damn thing It just starts yelling back at me That's no way to be happy There's a rocking in my soul And I wanna let the whole world know Would they let me know When they're ready to listen Then I'll be ready to go I tell myself I'm ready to go I tell myself I'm ready And go
2.
Air 04:13
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I sleep so restlessly My eyes tumble in the dark Remembering what was said to me The last time I felt a spark Long before i only felt my sorrow deepen There was a time where my heart was beating Forgetting troubles In Fleeting mumbles Laying carelessly in bed Next to a dream that's there when you wake And makes you laugh when it's getting late Smiling when nothings left to be said No desire of ever leaving I wanna breathe the air you're breathing I wander endlessly In fields of fleeting hope I wonder what comes next for me An unstable isotope Tomorrow brings a chance to ask for a dance Don't step on the foot of romance Wistful thinking In silent singing Laying carelessly in bed Next to the light that brightens your life Removes any thoughts of strife Saving these seconds in my head No desire of ever leaving I wanna breathe the air you're breathing
3.
Wallowing 02:46
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Could you tell me what I did last night? And if you could could you then tell me if I seemed alright? Cuz then I'll know if my façade is fading Like the two of us Faded on a hill between the highway, and a parking lot I've picked out glass from the grass and my fingertips Last night all my lights got smashed and I can't get a grip All the cuts on my hands and on my mind Two separate things that seem to get intertwined I tell myself it'll get better Somehow Every night that I can't remember I can't remember Could you tell me what I did last night? And if you could could you then tell me if I seemed alright? Cuz then I'll know if my façade is fading Like the two of us Faded on a hill between the highway, and a parking lot I've been kicking cans by the vans parked on the street Saw your house, bounced from the sidewalk where we would meet Met my maker in tall glass bottles That are lining the spaces where I try to coddle The fear I tell myself that I'm better Than this That's when I can't remember I can't remember I've cried in lots, speaking taught, thin, sentences By the fields and faces I take comfort In my own way, I died for my sins I'll be reborn tomorrow, wallowing.
4.
Broken Record 03:19
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Tell others what you can't tell yourself That their solution is right in front of them Connect the dots so they can start doing what they need to do Then what am I to do A solution isn't in sight Slow down relax it'll be alright Do for others what you cant do for yourself Just work with what you have Use the tools that you've been practicing For an unrelated task or thing But find it fits perfectly Then what am I to do A solution isn't in sight Slow down relax It'll be alright But what if it isn't I'm so fucking worried that it isn't By thinking about where I don't wanna be I'm there I'm already there A solution isn't in sight Slow down slow down don't tell me what to do I don't wanna be here I don't wanna be here I don't wanna be anywhere at all Till I'm next to you I lay down close my eyes It's alright
5.
BRB (my thoughts are killing me) 02:43
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I've got a case of the heavy heads The world just seems to stop making sense The worryings got you working towards a solution Music isn't helping like it used to I threw a song on then forgot what I was doing Then I had the thought, I should stop thinking so much, its time to work towards doing I gotta find out who I am before its too late I gotta meet the me on the other side of the mirror Self discovery hits like epiphanies When the time just feels so fleeting I gotta find out who I am Its been a year of endless reflection Inside through good intentions Learning how to focus creativity into good vibes I'm asking myself all these pointed questions Like why do we exist? Am I missing a message Then I realized that the answer resides In that I never really needed it I gotta find out who I am before its too late I gotta meet the me on the other side of the mirror Self discovery hits like epiphanies When the time just feels so fleeting I gotta find out who I am Am I just wandering? And who am I asking? If they took the time to answer would I accept it All of these questions Start to feel more like burdens Lifting dumb thoughts like dumbbells hoping for a gain Am I winning the game What is the prize? When I die will I be satisfied with the other side Does it really even matter Like would it make me so happy Is this thing that I've been searching for is inside Its like they say This thing that I've been searching for is inside Its like they say This thing that I've been searching for is inside
6.
Cherish 03:48
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Sleep when you're ready to sleep Don't concern yourself with places you don't need to be Eat when ya feel like eating As long as you've been managing your feelings If not, then pack that shit up Get your feet up out of the muck Get on your way Wash rinse repeat Wake up go to work Stay up and go to war These thoughts are cheap Keep em coming tho Pump that shit out like gold Or whatever you cherish Talk when you're ready to talk Take a second to collect the thoughts in your head Then speak the words that you hear Get a positive rhetoric to appear If not, be open to change Don't be so set in your ways Or you'll waste away Wash rinse repeat Wake up go to work Stay up and go to war These thoughts are cheap Keep em coming tho Pump that shit out like gold Or whatever you cherish
7.
Wilting Conscious 03:03
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I need confidence to tell my friends I love them Platonic or not they're the best ones that I've got I hope they're not overwhelmed like I am I just want them to know before we go and rot Is it weird for me to emote Is it weird to find a scapegoat in myself Cuz I blame the problems instead of solve them On my wilting conscious, no hope of solace Then you say hey that's life Sometimes it's okay to say it's not my fault I deserve the people in my life I need reassurance the path i'm on is right That my daily actions are true to who I am When schooling always seemed so black and white Like right and wrong are all that could ever be Is it weird to lose all hope Is it weird that I cope with comedy If I make a fool of myself that's cool I don't care if I sink the eight ball too Cuz hey, that's just life Sometimes it's okay to say it's not my fault I deserve the people in my life I'm not going anywhere Without the ones who got me here I'm not doing anything Without thanking those who care I'm not going anywhere Without the ones who got me here I'm not doing anything Without thanking those who care I'm thanking those who care
8.
TELL IT!!! 01:52
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Write what's on your mind Figure out where you're going when ya get there Don't get so bogged down With big plans of a story worth of telling Just tell it! Ya fucking tell it Say what's on your mind Just fuckin tell it I never said much anyway Hamster on a treadmill Just get up, get off, go on and grab the carrot If the metaphor don't fit Tell yourself you'll come back later and fix it Or forget it It's probably fine anyway This collections of thoughts has to stop at some point If its problematic Then let's talk about it Stop acting like you've got someplace to be No need to hurry Just tell it! Ya fucking tell it Say what's on your mind Just tell it Ya fucking tell it Say what's on your mind
9.
Black and Blue 03:07
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3:48 on a Monday afternoon Twin city skies are far from blue 29th and Franklin had trouble brewing An unjust hatred That finally found its man Walking up while he's washing down his meal Knock knock, roll the window down He started thinking they need help, that's why they're here They said we're here to collect Give me the keys Give me your car With the drivers mouth ajar They beat him red Left him for dead While passersbies stared with glazed glass eyes He cried "I've done so much for you Wouldn't you do the same for me?" Trade out leaves with a snow filled view The streets are icy and that's nothing new A routine traffic stop is about to go wrong Enter the cops And their guns to sing along Hands up they harp, tires start to squeal Pop pop shattered glass and blood He resisted every chance, said no deal All he had to do Take out the keys Step out of the car First shots a fatal flaw They shot him dead Filled with led The passenger was left unhurt Killer sighs "I'm doing everything I can Did I kill the right man?" THEY'RE KILLING EVERYONE THEY CAN
10.
Skater Kings 03:28
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We were the skater kings Of a midnight dream I'd give anything just to relive that scene Suburban wasteland left a bitter taste We're going nowhere and making haste What's going down tonight? Tomorrows on its way There's always time To skate your cares away We were the skater kings Of a midnight dream I'd give anything just to relive that scene I'm stuck in snow filled skies Wondering what you've been up to Cold air bites Not as bad as missing you I hope the weathers nice in Texas I promise I'll visit soon It'll be just like it used to We were the skater kings Of a midnight dream I'd give anything just to relive that scene Will we ever wonder the woods again Pass out in a red and grey tent If I knew what the future had store I woulda spent more time under the wishing tree
11.
Escape From Escape 01:27
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I ran away to my cabin in the woods I brought all of my shit I packed real good I bought all of the drugs i could afford at the time I brought my wholly organic foods (yeah right) I did yoga to begin every morning While i heard my favorite friend brewing up a story Look out the window, guess what it's snowing! Like the forecast said that it would(n't) Well is it good enough? What is the essence of good Can we get any greener stuff Or is this all that we got? (I think it's all that we got) Time to make some greener stuff Am i just a tool Or chasing a fool out of me I guess that's all that we got So thank you for enjoying Thank you for enjoying Thank you for enjoying me Oh me

about

I wrote this album over the course of about two months, then arranged the songs in a week while at a cabin in northern Michigan without cell service or running water in the dead of winter. The week after I recorded all the instruments over 6 days at Underground Productions in Roseville, MI outside of Detroit. I EXIST covers a wide range of genres and topics, but as an overarching theme I would say this is an album about trying to find yourself both in how you act with others and who you are on your own. I hope you enjoy this record, and thank you for enjoying me.

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released May 7, 2021

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Erik Saxton Minneapolis, Minnesota

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